Quotes4study

"Regardless of the legal speed limit, your Buick must be operated at

speeds faster than 85 MPH (140kph)."

The Greatest Mathematical Error

    The Mariner I space probe was launched from Cape Canaveral on 28

July 1962 towards Venus.  After 13 minutes' flight a booster engine would

give acceleration up to 25,820 mph; after 44 minutes 9,800 solar cells

would unfold; after 80 days a computer would calculate the final course

corrections and after 100 days the craft would cirlce the unknown planet,

scanning the mysterious cloud in which it is bathed.

    However, with an efficiency that is truly heartening, Mariner I

plunged into the Atlantic Ocean only four minutes after takeoff.

    Inquiries later revealed that a minus sign had been omitted from

the instructions fed into the computer.  "It was human error", a launch

spokesman said.

    This minus sign cost L4,280,000.

        -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"

Fortune Cookie

Remember folks.  Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

        -- Jim Samuels

Fortune Cookie

I suppose some of the variation between Boston drivers and the rest of the

country is due to the progressive Massachusetts Driver Education Manual which

I happen to have in my top desk drawer.  Some of the Tips for Better Driving

are worth considering, to wit:

[131.16d]:

       "Directional signals are generally not used except during vehicle

        inspection; however, a left-turn signal is appropriate when making

        a U-turn on a divided highway."

[96.7b]:

       "When paying tolls, remember that it is necessary to release the

        quarter a full 3 seconds before passing the basket if you are

        traveling more than 60 MPH."

[110.13]:

       "When traveling on a one-way street, stay to the right, so as not

        to interfere with oncoming traffic."

Fortune Cookie

"Regardless of the legal speed limit, your Buick must be operated at

speeds faster than 85 MPH (140kph)."

        -- 1987 Buick Grand National owners manual.

Fortune Cookie

I used to live in a house by the freeway.  When I went anywhere, I had

to be going 65 MPH by the end of my driveway.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights.  Now it looks

like I'm the only one moving.

I was pulled over for speeding today.  The officer said, "Don't you know

the speed limit is 55 miles an hour?"  And I said, "Yes, but I wasn't going

to be out that long."

I put a new engine in my car, but didn't take the old one out.  Now

my car goes 500 miles an hour.

        -- Steven Wright

Fortune Cookie

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